Daily tripping on the war

POST WAR RESOLUTIONS / SUN 13AUG2006

2006-08-13T08:23:00.000-07:00

Well I guess y’all know by now that the END is near!

Yes, they probably read our blog and thought up of the 1701 solution, but as we heard from our reliable source aka “the moooole”. The Canadian government most probably won’t be able to send troops of Mounties coz well… they couldn’t possibly fly all the horses down to Beirut: “it’s too Damn far!” plus they also said that they preferred to keep their precious forces on THEIR borders coz they could never predict when THEIR neighbors will go crazy, start hallucinating and see THEM as terrorists and launch a shock and awe offensive to hunt THEM down to justice!

So, the war is almost over, we’re not so certain yet, but it’s looking good.

After 32 days (don’t think we were counting, we just saw it on TV and by the way : TIME FLIES WHEN YOU ARE ON WARPHINE!!!) of relaxing, sitting back and tripping on war, one starts instinctively thinking : what will I do when it’s all over???

I bet y’all have something planned for the fist zero violence day!

We personally decided unanimously to go out for a “Murphy’s Red” fresh out of the tab, at our favorite Irish Pub down in Beirut. You see there is nothing like a red to sooth your synapses (those things linking your brain cells or something..) and get you back on track!

Now maybe some of you readers aren’t missing the beer or the social surrounding coz y’all been jet setting and popping precious champagne bottles in our war bunker/clubs that grew like mushrooms on our mountains! If you did then you didn’t need Warphine that much so basically you weren’t reading this blog with interest and you weren’t applying our precious manual… To all of you we say : FUCK OFF

Also we are looking forward for fresh sushi! Nothing like a good long hundred or so pieces dinner to put you back on your feet!

Now, we can guide you on your way to tripping but we can’t influence your trip! So why don’t you share YOUR post war resolution?

- Drop us a comment will you?

Rgds
Ed

PEACE SOLUTION / WED 09AUG2006

2006-08-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

I know I know you are looking at this title saying:
PEACE? THESE PEOPLE ARE REALLY DUMB, CRAZY & TRIPPING!

Now that is NOT totally wrong… BUT lots of dumb crazy tripping people had great ideas! Hell! They even changed our lives! Proof : Have you ever wondered why Archimedes was lying down in his full bath tub and what he was actually doing there for hours? I rest my case.

SO now that you are all eyes, read this ;
We were chilling on TV completing our second hour of “news watching today” when we suddenly started tripping on this thing they are talking about these days at the big international table thingy with people with funny big white earrings, They were all going on about proposals, amendments and suggestions, shouting and shit… and it has been going on for weeks! Frankly speaking it’s kind of bothering our 2 hours NEWS routine…

So we both searched (simultaneously) our inner selves and decided to help out! We decided to post the solution so that one of those international people can read it and tell his friends down at the ASTERIX like table (seriously it’s the same but without the roasted wild boars! And that’s a pity by the way I mean all they get is water no wonder they are all pissed off!!)

So dear Mr. International guy,

Why are you so pissed off? Why complicate things? The “White&Blues” want peace and quiet the “White&Reds” want peace and quiet! The “Green&Yellows” are in the middle of all this… but they want some piece and quiet! And all everybody is fighting about is a piece of land (and other small things)!

Now you have this whole “Blue Line” thing going on, that all colors seem to like, but then again there is this shit about the international forces thing and the whole mess about which countries it should be formed of to help the “White&Reds” that will help the “Green&Yellows” out of the blue line or next to it (didn’t get this part quite well) without their guns and … stuff.

So we give you the solution, found by looking “OUTSIDE THE BOX” while under heavy “inspiration”.
Take the blue line, make some white stripes (not the band) on it – This way the “White&Blues” will love it coz it matches with their flag (never underestimate the power of a little creativity with colors!), take it back a few kilometers this way the “White&Reds” will be happy and the “Green&Yellows” won’t have (that much) stuff to complain about! And then with the help of some other international force you can replace guns by flowers!
All that remains now, is the International force nationality problem!

Now personally Mr. International guy, The whole idea of diversifying nationalities in the international force … not so clever! I mean how can they understand one another? Imagine a Chinese guy looking up : “attention la bombe” in his “French for dummies” book in the middle of “shock and awe” situation!

I guess you understand by now that this so called international force should be formed by ONE international force.
Secundo : we established (that’s for sure) that violence leads to nothing. So why don’t you try another approach?

A CANADIAN INTERNATIONAL FORCE!

Imagine Mounties on their horses spread in the south guarding the precious colored line, keeping all colors safe, calm and happy!
I mean come on think about it – can YOU say no to cute, cuddly, always happy, gentlemen, Mounties???

NEVER!!! People will be hugging each others after two weeks!! And all the other small problems all the colors once had will just … POUF vanish in thin air!

Thanks for taking our advice into consideration,
Warmest wishes

Warphine Daily & Warphine International

WE ARE HAPPY / WED 09AUG06

2006-08-09T04:43:00.000-07:00

First of all we would like to appologize for not posting anything yesterday, you see we had lots of ET and not enough FT (free time) in our chilling program of yesterday! (if you didn't get it, read the warphine manual or skip to the next sentence)

Ok this is not your classic Lebanese blog title these days … but then again, we did promiss something completely different!

So I guess we owe you an explanation!

Want you guys to think with us for a moment…

BEIRUT BEFORE THE WAR

Because of lots of young men leaving the country for studies or work (coz our country can’t possibly contain that much geniuses and well … we all know, ask all mothers … every Lebanese kid, IS A GENIUS!) And because girls don’t travel that much (I mean they do, but less than guys) we had a situation in Beirut wherein there are 5 girls to each man…
Naturally we should have been very happy with this situation and we should have been getting laid regularly! But we weren’t …

BEIRUT – WAR STARTS

DRAAAAMMMAAAAAAA RUNNNNN FOR YOURR LLIIFFFEEEE
I loved the reaction of all Lebs with foreign passports by the way! Ok I live in the north suburbs of Beirut or even further but I HAVE TO TAKE THE NEXT FERRY OUT OF HERE ! THANK GOD FOR MY PASSPORT!!!
SO we had a situation wherein there was THOUSANDS of Lebanese people LIVING and WORKING in Lebanon that took the long EXHAUSTING 12 hours road to Europe or 48 hours road to the Americas…. For nothing! Leaving theirs jobs behind and all …

And what I LOVE the most is the interviews our fellow Xeno-lebanese (fm Greek – Xeno = foreign) made for CNN and co. where they had to say : THANK GOD WE ARE OUT! THANK GOOOODDD !!! O H M Y G O D!! (what the fuck?) I mean I don’t know if any of you noticed … the chill is not bad in Lebanon ! I mean ok you get some mixable shock and awe now and then but that’s about it!!
Anyway …
The main result after this “beginning of war” crisis was : 7 girls to each man …
Naturally we were excited about the new stats … but didn’t get laid …

BEIRUT – AFTER MON 07 AUGUST 2006

We all know that this week they announced THEY needed YOU! To serve your country! in other words if you served your military service during the past 5 years, we are taking you back coz your country needs YOU (I love the classic uncle sam YOU thing so bare with me).
RESULT : we have MORE men going to military service and MORE men fleeing the country because they can afford running away fm the military taking “the long and winding road to the free world”…
LEADING TO : 10 girls to each man.
Now we are still NOT GETTING LAID… so if you are one of these 10 girls and you like our sense of humor and you think that a sense of humor is better than a 12 pack and a jet set appearance … In other words if you dig NERDS please call us!

Ed-

BENZINE OR NO BENZINE? / MON 07AUG06

2006-08-07T11:04:00.000-07:00

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON PEOPLE !!!!

Have you seen the HUGGEEEE MOTHAAIIIR line on the gas stations during the past week and specially TODAY ????

NOW you may say, I’m saaaaaddd the country’s deeaaaaaaaaddd and start whining all day long, and RUIN a whole chilling day!
We say NO – don’t be saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (we are loving the annoying MSN saaaaaaaad with thousands of a’s by the way…)

Do not panic! There is plenty of gas for everybody! You will see in a few days when the prices will go up how we will be pushing the gas pumps AWAY FROM OUR CARS!
Plus – you probably spend the gas you are going to fill while waiting for it !!!

Also – be real I am sure that none of you complaining biAAAtches has less than half a tank full (or empty … in your pessimistic ass point of view) HALF A TANK IS GREAT unless you are really insisting on going up to the mountain and then back down to Beirut everyday! Hell even if there was NO WAR you should be complaining in this case!

HALF A TANK will - unless you own a hummer (who’s cool now hummer owners!?!) – take you back and forth to the essential “have to go there” places – the supermarket and the DVD shop YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE ANYWHERE ELSE!!

You are still saaaaaaaaaaaaaaad because your friends can’t come over ? well we live in Lebanon – every single soul has a car – so do the math :
1 FRIEND + 1 FRIEND = 1 FULL TANK
so stop complaining and keep on smiling, coz the whole world smiles with you!

Now we may have been a bit tough – maybe there are some people that actually NEED THE GAS badly - to them we say : THINK OF THE LONG CUE DOWN TO THE GAS PUMP AS A SOCIAL GATHERING! MEET PEOPLE! THEY ALL LIVE IN THE NEIGHBOORHOOD maybe you can get them to be friends (they can WALK to your place you know…)

CHILL!

Ed-

CLASSIC INTRODUCTION / MON 07AUG06

2006-08-07T09:35:00.000-07:00

Dear all,

DAMN! we're Getting so much feedback on warphine, we discovered that there were people that were experiencing the war like us! (personally i was very happy coz I thought I was a looser .... OR AM I ???!! - grand dilemne)

And somehow we felt well obliged to do a follow up on our 9 steps inspired by the wise men!

We decided to help out as much as we can people with really nothing to do people praying for something fresh to read! for something fresh to watch! people that can't stand another half hour of the comedy channel, people that can't stand another long game of monopoly that NEVER FINISHES !!! WHO WINS !!!???!!! People that won't accept renting DVDs like "The Prince and I" just because well there's nothing else that they didn't watch!!! GOD!! WAR IS BORING !!!

OK we know that the steps so gracefully given by "nous" well gave you some ideas on how to fill time ... but to those that still have 15 mins free in their "chilling program" or to those that were well ... too dumb to get warphine fm the first 9 steps ...... we bring you .... THE DAILY WARPHINE!

This blog is actually a real blog (the other one was kind of a Manual, so a blog w/out the meaning of daily posts... a kind of "avant garde" blog if I may say ..) so basically what we're trying to say is that this blog is to be read daily, commented on DAILY it's FUN FUN FUN

We figured, hey if we trip let's share the trip ! coz war is all about sharing and..... Group sex (for those who didn't laugh on this last thought please call +961 3 819817)

Anyway, as long as the minds are flipping , we will always be tripping! (My inner wise man)

enjoy-
ed.